Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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