I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
