I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
so let's talk penis.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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