dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
