waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Randomize
