no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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