Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
