Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
