I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Randomize
