What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
