Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
