i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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