its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
