he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
