You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
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