Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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