I feel like abortions should bother me more
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
