Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
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