The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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