Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
