well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
