I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
i think i just naturally attract stoners
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
