She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
