Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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