I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Randomize
