The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
How external is "for external use only"?
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
