so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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