none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Randomize
