just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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