I want to make a zoo with you.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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