Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Randomize
