Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Randomize
