Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
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