you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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