Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
