i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
