tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
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