dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
