I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
