Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
