I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
