Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
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