pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
