Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
