He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
You can't just leave with hair like that
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Randomize
