The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
