Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
