I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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