Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
