how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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