Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
i wish my penis had a tongue
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
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