he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
I woke up under a house in Key West
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