Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
